Private “Dancer”… a Dancer for Money.
I
loved the 80’s! The big hair, the clothes and the music. Little did I know or
even care about the lyrics of songs…but as I walked thru the red-light
districts of Thailand again, the song Private
Dancer by Tina Turner flooded back. It was part of the sound track that
played over and over in my mind during those hours spent with the gals in the
bars while they danced with little to nothing on.
Well,
the men come in these places
And the men are all the same
You don’t look at their faces
And you don’t ask their names
You don’t think of them as human
You don’t think of them at all
You keep your mind on the money
Keeping your eyes on the wall
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
And any old music will do
I wanna make a million dollars
I wanna live out by the sea
Have a husband and some children
Yeah, I guess I want a family
All the men come in these places
And the men are all the same
You don’t look at their faces
And you don’t ask their names
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
And any old music will do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
Yes your private dancer
A dancer for money
And any old music will do
Dutchmarks or dollars
American Express will do nicely, thank you
Let me loosen up your collar
Tell me, do you wanna see me do the shimmy again?
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
And any old music will do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
And any old music will do
I’m your private dancer, dancer for money
Just a private dancer, dancer for money
I digress – How much detail is too much? Below is a conversation I might have…
Q: What exactly is it that you do in
Thailand?
ME: Which version do you want? The raw, ugly
truth or the sugar coated version? (I think people want the truth, but it makes
them uncomfortable…and honestly, sometimes I don’t want to share). So I begin
to share. Feeling out the person who asked.
prayer…walking the streets, talking to vendors, and enjoying the food. Our
accommodations are comfortable and we need that. It’s a highly draining trip, in
many ways. Once it’s dark, we recollect for a time of prayer, putting on our
armor and seeking direction. (It sounds so spiritual…but it’s the truth. We
can’t do another thing until that is done.) I then break up the team into
smaller groups. Those who will continue to pray – nonstop, either back at the guesthouse,
in a specific area of the red-light districts, or while walking. Then there are
those who will sit in the garden bars, buy Cokes, water and hang out with any
children in the area. We get a lot of attention by those who love us there and
others…who sit in a distance and shoot dirty looks our way. We interact with
those who want it, and keep our distance from the rest. Often, we are
approached by touts (those who stand outside and wave “sex menus”). Our job is
not to convict! I’m constantly reminding the gals that for this trip, we are
called to the women, not to have lengthy conversations with the men.
Occasionally a conversation will take place, but not because we seek it out. (The
same man who died for us, died for them. Ouch.) The other group will go into
the bars with me. Our time inside can last between 15 minutes to an hour. It
depends…
ME:
Not like your typical bar back home. There are 3 main red-light areas in
Bangkok. We visit two of the three, Patpong and Nana Plaza. Patpong draws
tourists with the night market and Nana draws the expats
(ex-patriots…Westerners living in countries besides their own). These bars most
often have bars with poles on which the girls dance. Sometimes there are tubs.
Initially you stare at the shoes…it’s about the only thing you can count on
them wearing. It’s dark, lights are flashing, there is always a shrine to the
gods. On the outside walls, you will find men from around the world, even
women. Some by themselves, others with friends or spouses. There are the
mamasons – the equivelate to a “mother figure”. The boss or owner might walk
around check on the status of things. We always pray for favor. There are two
bars that are my favorite because of the man who owns them. He grabs my hand
and takes me from girl to girl as tells me to give them a bracelet. We are
known for giving out “free, free” bracelets. This last trip I gave him a
Bible…surprisingly, he was receptive! Back to describing… A DJ sits in the corner playing songs, if only they took a minute to listen to the
lyrics. To
name just a few of the songs they play – Gangnam
Style by PSY, Price Tag by Jessie J and Where
is the love by Black Eyed Peas. Interesting, eh?
The higher it goes…the progressively vulgar it gets. It’s unimaginable. They
say on the top levels, women are paid to be whipped and perform sexual acts
with animals. Nothing is off limits. It’s a dark, dark, dark place. It’s a
dark, dark world. Should I go on?
Q: What do you do when inside the bars?
ME: Here’s how it works…in few details.
Someone comes in flirts – or just stares at the girls dancing on the stages,
buys a drink, buys a girl(s) a drink, buys the girl(s) from the bar, and agrees
on a price with the mamason. They disappear for an agreed upon amount of time.
Sometimes returning within 15 minutes and others are bought for a weekend.
What we do…we come in, sit and wait…asking the
Lord to guide us into a conversation with a girl. When the time is right, I
wave a gal over. (Never call a gal on the stage or with someone already) I
reach out with a bracelet. “Free!” I say and she comes and sits down next to
me. “Do you want a Coke?” She says yes, and snuggles up against you, sometimes
grabbing your hand. (They get a percent of the drink money). We sit, holding
hands, and attempt a conversation. Sometimes it’s so loud, a conversation is
impossible. Sometimes you get a gal who can’t speak any English. Other times
there are girls who are very conversational. A typical conversation goes
something like this:
ME:
Hello! What is your name?
HER:
My name is Phong. What your name?
ME:
My name is Connie! How old are you?
HER:
I am 18 (shows age using hands). You?
ME:
I am 40! I show four fingers and a fist! (We giggle). You do not look 18!
(Usually they are younger, but legally they must be 18 to work inside)
HER:
You no look 40! (I give her a hug – I mean, what woman doesn’t want to hear
that!)
ME:
Do you have any babies? (I make the baby rocking motion)
HER:
Yes. I have 1. She points – You have babies?
ME:
No, I have 2 dogs. (I use my hands to make dog-ears and bark…and we laugh) I
then ask…How long have you worked here? Do you like it?
It
amazes me how many times these woman say, “No, I not like, me want to leave,
but money good”. At this point, it’s time for them to go on the stage again and
we clink drinks and they are gone. The mamasons are cheering them on to hurry,
hurry.
We quickly pray over them and say our good-byes.
Our evening ends around 2am with another much needed hour of prayer. Awkward at
first, but quickly you forget about everything going on around you…and it’s
just you and “the private dancer”, building a relationship that is innocent and
safe. It rocks them. We want nothing from them. If they don’t want prayer “No,
me Buddha”, then we respect that. (We can always pray for them later) It seldom
happens.
Q: Is it worth going into the bars? Is ministry
effective for short term?
every time we debrief as a team. Often, some team members do not return to the
bars, but remain outside with the children and vendors or part of the prayer
team- the very important prayer team. I personally feel more effective outside
the bars where I can hear and am not on a time crunch. However, we have seen
over and over again on how the Lord leads us to someone at a specific place for
a specific time and reason. In fact…one of the girls we built a relationship
within the bars, now works in one of the NGO’s…making jewelry. We never
mentioned this organization to her, but upon seeing and talking with us – the
HS guided her to leave. Please pray for her…she has been out for 6 months now.
By the way, we refrain from telling the names of these individuals and bars we
visit to be safe. There are people who do not want this industry “messed with”.
Bottom line…each night is different and some nights we go in and others, we
don’t. It’s learning to listen to the HS, picking up on the environment around
you…taking cues from the owners, tourist…and the “feeling” in the air. It’s
important to stay in touch with those who have long-term relationships in the
area. They have always been a great resource as I lead teams. If ever in doubt
I contact my friends. Even those Thai friends will say…”Connie, go here, don’t
go here.” If you’ve watched any of the movies…you know what I’m talking about.
Check out Nefarious, Half the Sky, and Furious Love to name a few.
Q: How can I get involved?
ME: Awareness. Bring awareness to this issue.
It’s children being sold at 3 months old to men for sex. It’s women being
trafficked (sold against their will). It’s those who “choose” this life because
it provides for their entire family and it’s expected of them. It’s the men who
buy. It’s the ladyboys…who don’t have other options. Watch the movies, read the
articles and books, go to conferences, sign up for walks to bring awareness! Go
on a trip! Support someone who feels called. Pray. Don’t run from it, don’t
ignore it. These are God’s children.
Thanks for asking. I hope I’ve not shared too much.
Should you want to know more, please call me. Email me. Skype me. I’d love to
share more with you, your small group, and your church. I have stories to
share, faces to describe…and tears that yet need to be shed.
team members when we spotted a book, Private
Dancer by Stephen Leather. It’s the scene described from a non-Christian
perspective. The language is foul and shares the ugly details of how the buying
and selling of the girls works. It talks about the area and bars we visit. It
tells the dangerous story of one man’s relationship with his “private dancer”.
Although fictional, it could be true. Westerners men are often being found “as a
suicide” after being in a relationship. It’s a sad, dark world all around for
all involved.
Thank you for your support and prayers!
This is PERFECT!! You just wrote my heart and thoughts!
Love and Prayers,
K
thank you for sharing connie.
connie, such a heavy topic. I think you shared what goes on in the bars very tastefully. As believers we have a responsibility to care about God’s children and then to act. Thank you for sharing your story so that so many more might also care and act.
Thank you, Connie. This is a great summary of the trip and a wonderful resource for us in answering those very questions. We love you, leader lady. 😉
This was an incredible post… Thank you for sharing. It touched me.
connie-
am just getting to the emails from my time on the road to texas and wow – so glad you wrote this out.
reminded of our sunday morning walks around the lake area (& near death experiences around your neighborhood.)
the hard unvarnished truth and your compassion & approach made me a believer in the what and how of your (& Kristen’s) approach to offering light in the darkest hell holes.
that is why i am committed to praying for you…for y’all.
alpal
I spent a short time in the industry when I had turned 18 as a ‘go-go dancer’ (virtually a stripper, as close to nude as possible without actually being naked). With my distant relationship to both my father and mother, I was bound for the path. Until I found Christ I would feel guilt for that lifestyle, as short as it was in my life. Now that I have accepted Jesus I feel delivered from the guilt and shame I had felt. Now I know that God is going to use me, He is going to use my weaknesses to reach out to women and relate to them in an industry that not everyone can relate.
I love you. Even more than before I read this.
Amen! He will indeed!